4 Ways Working With My Husband Improved Our Relationship

We both learned it's okay to make our own rules.

I’ve lost count how many times I’ve been asked how I manage to survive working with my husband. When people find out Chris and I work together, it’s the first question I get asked. Honestly, before launching StitchCrew, I wondered if we could pull it off too.

I love my husband, but we are not “that couple” that has to do everything together. As a serial entrepreneur, Chris ran multiple businesses prior to StitchCrew and I traveled constantly for work. We were never short of dinner parties, networking events and receptions, so we’ve always been very respectful of personal time and life outside of marriage.

When I got burned out with my job and we discussed the idea of launching a business together, we both had doubts. Ultimately we decided to take the plunge and two years later, I can sincerely say working together has brought us closer.

Of course, it hasn’t been without its glitches. Over time we’ve learned to set boundaries. We figured out how we compliment each other and delegated responsibility and authority accordingly. For example, Chris is better with operations, programming, managing vendors and finances. So he calls the shots when it comes to those areas. I, on the other hand, am much better dealing with investors, partners and recruitment. We have learned to balance each other, particularly in these four areas:

Empathy

Since working together, we’ve become more understanding and aware of each other's feelings. Before, I would come home and share stories of what it's like to climb the corporate ladder as the only hispanic woman in what I call “Bright Rooms,” rooms full of white men. Chris, though he'd never admit it, would often look at me in disbelief. Now that we get to be in Bright Rooms together, he gets to experience the mansplaining and back handed compliments firsthand.

By the same token, I used to overlook and dismiss his entrepreneurial struggles. Chris is very reserved, so he wouldn't come home and talk about which bills he couldn't pay or how much churn he was dealing with. He just kept it to himself. It’s only now that I can relate to the pressure of running a business. I feel terrible for not asking more questions or figuring out ways to support him, or just to be there for him.

Respect

Like every other couple, we've had our share of disagreements, at home, in the car, even at the airport. This is harder to navigate when you’ve set out to establish a team that embraces and values different perspectives regardless of background, experience and pedigree. We’ve had to learn that we can’t just walk out on arguments or roll our eyes in front of colleagues. Most importantly we’ve learned to respect each other as peers. Now, we know when it’s time to pause, back off, and save the talk (or the yelling) for when we're alone.

Commitment

When you're running a business, it's almost guaranteed things will go wrong at some point. That's why it means so much to be in business with someone you trust, not just to get the job done, but to openly share angst and self-doubt when things don’t go as planned. I also know he won't quit, or let me quit, because at the end of the day, neither of us wants to let the other down.

Make Your Own Rules

A lot of couples who work together will tell you they never bring work home or talk about it over dinner. That works for them. Chris and I love to strategize, at the office, at home, on vacation, and even in front of our girls, who often pitch their own ideas and solutions. That works for us.

The only rule we have is that if one of us doesn’t want to talk about work, the other has to respect that and change the subject. It might not be the norm, even for couples who don’t work together, but we’ve learned to make rules that fit our lifestyle, not someone else’s.

Plenty of couples decide that working together isn't for them. And I get it, it’s not for everybody. But so far, it’s worked for us. At the end of the day, every couple has to figure out what works best for them, in life, in love, and in business. And while we don’t have it all figured out, we’re learning as we go, side by side.